Feelings are healthy

We cannot be happy all the time. In fact we don’t want to be.

Feeling sad, worried, anxious, embarrassed, angry and scared are all parts of our human experience.

We’ve been taught to be polite, keep our feelings to ourselves and always project happiness. Feelings can make others uncomfortable. Feelings are not always cohesive with production. So we are taught that feelings make us weak and should be kept hidden.

I’m here to say feelings are amazing. It’s the numbness and the holding feelings back that is our undoing.

I spent many years numb. Sometimes it was a choice I made, thinking it would protect me. Sometimes it was from medication. Let me just say, it’s not as blissful as people assume. You may not feel sad...but you also don’t “feel” happy.

Today I’ve been sad. I’ve been feeling anxious. So today I cried while I watched my son play and when he watched me, I didn’t wipe my tears. I didn’t pretend I was happy. I did exactly what I do when he cries. I let it be okay.

I’m still learning to feel my feelings. Both because I want it for myself and because I want to teach Evander, that expressing feelings is okay. Admittedly it’s scary. In my early adult life I was in a very dark place. It took years of self care and challenging my thoughts to become well. So when I have big feelings, sometimes I worry I’ll see the dark again.

Evander is the very best part of my life. Being a mother is my life’s purpose. That doesn’t always mean it’s easy. I am a single mum. I have also continued running my business all through pregnancy and was back to creating in Evander’s first few weeks and at markets when he was two months. I am the only one to pay the bills, cook the dinner, put out the bins and keep us both healthy and safe.

Lately E hasn’t been sleeping well (he’s never been great, but this is next level) so my reserves are low. Today he woke with a snotty nose (just a part of day care, mixed with little sleep) so I had to cancel my plans to see my friend and her newborn. It made me sad. Sometimes that’s all it takes. And you know what? That’s ok.

Hopefully my baby boy will grow into an emotionally intelligent boy and show the world that feelings are wonderful.