Soul led love

Soul led love, gave me my son.

We think of love and romantic relationships in terms of forever. We suggest that if it didn’t last forever, then it wasn’t right.

We make things tidy, easy to explain. We fit the stories to suit the societal norms. We talk about houses, children, careers and the future, as if they are all that matters. We add labels.

But what if we didn’t. What if instead, we surrendered to the present moment. What if we loved with our whole heart, with no expectation of tomorrow. What if we trusted our souls to attract the right love. What if we truly believe, that, just because it isn’t forever, doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

I fell in love with my sons father and he fell in love with me. From the moment I met him, my soul felt at home. From that very moment, I knew that he was right. My soul knew.

My head had other ideas. On our second date, my head said he wasn’t right for me. There were traits that didn’t sit well with me and things that I knew would cause arguments in the future.

At this point I checked in with my Angels. Call it intuition, Angels, God, the Universe or whatever resonates with you. When I asked my Angels if he was the right person for me, if he was my forever, it was a resounding yes!! So I surrendered.

A few months later we were pregnant. I knew straight away. When my bleeding time didn’t come, it was both hard to believe and already understood. I was growing our baby.

Our relationship was long distance and at times, there were weeks before we’d see each other. This was something others couldn’t always understand. Again, I found myself trying to rationalize things in my relationship, to make other people feel better, even though I was content. This was one of those times, when weeks passed before I saw him. In this time, I thought about our growing baby. About how we’d make a relationship work when we lived apart. About how I’d love and nurture this baby for us, until he was able to be here with me. I thought about what might happen, if he wasn’t happy about the pregnancy. About raising this baby on my own. About how much I loved this sweet soul and how good I would make life for us. My soul already knew that it’d just be the two of us. My soul was preparing my head.

The day I told my partner, was the last day I saw him. His kiss goodbye, the last time he’d speak to me.

I won’t pretend I wasn’t hurt. I won’t pretend I wasn’t scared. I held onto the idea that he’d come back. Even after I knew we were over, I gave him every opportunity to be in my sons life. But without a word, he’d slipped out of our lives.

While deep within me, I knew I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing, I was embarrassed. I was worried about other people thinking I was manipulated. I was worried that I was somehow “less” for being single and pregnant. I was embarrassed by the label, “single mother”. I was worried that I had done the “wrong thing”.

What I came to understand, was that these were all thoughts and feelings. They were mainly based around fear and guilt. Fear that I’d be judged and guilt that I’d gone against everything I was taught growing up.

But, when I checked in with my soul. When I really felt into my womb space and my truth, none of these thoughts and feelings were there. I was walking the path I was supposed to.

Trusting my soul and my intuition to lead me in love, brought me my sons father and allowed me to continue a relationship, when my head had noticed flaws. This surrendering gave me the greatest gift. This surrendering allowed me to receive what the universe had to offer.

The love I’d felt was real. The relationship we had was important. He came into my life to give me my son. My forever love. My joy. Our love wasn’t forever, but our love was right.

Soul led love, gave me my son. For that, I will always be deeply grateful. 05.07.2021